Monthly Archives: August 2026

Open Without Overwhelm

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Tonight is the first night of Elul, the month before Rosh Hashanah (Jewish New Year), a time when it’s customary to engage in heshbon hanefesh, searching of the soul. The goal is to attempt to “wipe the slate clean” by engaging in an intense process of forgiving others for past wrongs, forgiving yourself for “missing the mark” and setting aspirations for personal growth during the new year.

Even though I’m a non-observant Jew who’s been leaning further and further toward atheism, I’ve found this process extremely useful over the past five years–ever since a friend and I started engaging in it deliberately and mindfully, sharing things we read or did that inspired us, and checking in frequently over the month to discuss our insights and support each other in our goals for personal growth.

Yesterday, as I went outside to meditate, the sun was just beginning to creep over the mountain, and I thought about the direction I wanted to set for this year: Open without Overwhelm.

I have a pull toward taking on new projects and activities because I enjoy the freshness that they bring to my brain–and to my heart. Yet, I’ve gotten my life to a place where I don’t want to give up any of the things that nurture me, so it’s easy to fall into an anxious frenzy of having too much on my plate.

How can I do both–be open, without overwhelm? Or overload?

The night before, despite some niggling anxiety around confronting new social situations (which I’d never had until years of pandemic isolation left me out of practice) I went by myself to an improvisational singing group of complete strangers. This was one of the few group singing activities I’ve tried since I got my voice back. I keep telling myself I want to join a chorus again, but truth be told, I’m really not sure I’d be able to handle it, yet. What I liked about this group was that it was low-stress. I could drop out whenever I wanted to and there would be plenty of other voices to carry on. Since we were mostly improvising whatever we wanted (occasionally someone in the group would act as a conductor and give us a part), I could sing in a range that was entirely comfortable.  What surprised me was that it wasn’t musically boring, or weird, or like some big cluttered mess–as I feared it might be. Instead, my musical brain felt happily stimulated in figuring out what I could add to fit in to the pieces we were creating.

Yay! But, oh no! Another thing to add to the calendar. Thankfully, it’s only once a month.

I’m still thinking the key to all this is to be fully present and grounded in the joy of the moment–even if at times that’s easier said than done.

Meanwhile, I’m feeling the need to recommit to the soul-nurturing activities I’ve already taken on, because it’s so easy for them to become pro-forma–another thing I check off the to-do list without always being really present when I do it. And if I can’t do something with full presence, attention, and joy, maybe it is time to take it off the list for a while so that when I come back to that activity, it feels new and fresh. This has kind of happened unintentionally, as I’ve had little time for piano because of all the PT I’m needing to do. So the few times I have made time for piano, it’s become especially enjoyable.

And more good news: the PT is paying off! I’m seeing clear improvements in my posture and mobility, especially in my thoracic spine. When the spine is open, the heart is open. And that is the ultimate aspiration.

Writing is another thing I’ll never give up, though I’ve done significantly less of it over the past few months. But yesterday, I decided to start my morning with a prompt from the amazing Seema Reza of A Little Less Lonely.  Seema put out a group of thirty prompts (one/day) in April for National Poetry Month. Here it is, August, and I’m still wading my way through. Her prompt for Day 22: What do you remember about the earth?

My answer:

So, every day the sun comes up, and today there’s a solar eclipse. But the view where I am will be minimal–only 16% at the peak. And it’s at the same time I have an appointment with the eye doctor because my new far-sighted glasses are blurry. What a metaphor! But seriously, they only function at a pinpoint distance. Not any closer or farther. And I’m not willing to accept that, because my goal is to be expansive in my sight, not more constrained. So I’ll miss the partial covering of the sun by the moon. Maybe afterwards I’ll spend some time pulling weeds and opening pathways in the garden, where I do know the earth, and where the feel of the earth on my hands will be one of the best gifts of the day. But I must be mindful. The ubiquitous onion grass I spend all year trying to yank is flowering, and the best thing, for now, might be to leave it and enjoy the blossoms.

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Overcoming Obstacles

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At my Wednesday morning writing group check-in today, nearly everyone talked about being pulled by other obligations, from packing up the literal rubble in their house in preparation for a move, to the growing piles of put-off chores and administrivia. Yet here we all were, attempting to navigate that obstacle for a couple of hours of time to nurture and spark the vibrant and needy creative child inside us that chatters non-stop and keeps tugging at our arm.

I was no exception to the prevailing mood. In fact, I can’t ever remember a time where 100% of my body and mind were full speed ahead focused on writing. There’s always something else that some small (or large) part of my brain fixates on, and tells me I should be doing instead. The trick to my writing success lies with how much I can tune out that nagging voice–which, of course, varies tremendously.

There’s a funny cartoon by Asher Perlman where someone with a truck labeled “Writers Cleaning Service” comes to someone’s door. The caption reads: The process is simple: you tell me to get some writing done and then to avoid getting started I clean your whole house. But chores and administrivia are only a couple of the many obstacles writers can use to distract ourselves. Job responsibilities, young children, vulnerable family members, or personal health issues can legitimately take up a whole lot of our time. And many of us already have other compelling and competing interests that keep us away from our creativity. If I weren’t an activist, I’d have more time to write, but sorry, working to make the world a better place is not a vocation I want to give up on.

Even if we don’t have too many these issues already built into our lives, any project we take on from learning to knit to painting the garage can help us circumvent the feelings of fear and doubt that often arise during the creative process, giving us more reason to avoid it. My writer friend and colleague Linda Castronovo writes about this beautifully in her (highly recommended) blog Starry, Starry Kite, Projects became my Prozac, she says, a coat of armor I constantly reshaped for myself. 

Linda, how did you capture the story of my life in just a handful of words? Friends have challenged me many times on my tendency to load myself up with tasks and projects to the point of overwhelm so that I perceive myself as too busy to attend to the things that really matter–relationships and creativity.  I wish I were as clear as Linda is on the reasons why I’m always overloading myself, but knowledge of this obstacle and the desire to clear its hurdle is, at least, an important first step.

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Last night another friend, a visual artist, called me to briefly touch on the malaise of being in between projects–that What should I do now feeling when you’ve managed to corral the adrenaline and engage in a creative spree that enables you to tune out the competing shoulds of daily life, but alas, the project is now done. And whether the end result is flawed or perfect, you’re suddenly adrift. I can relate to that obstacle, too. It’s one of the reasons I’ve started to shy away from longer work. It’s way easier to begin another poem or short prose piece than to figure out what to do next after you’ve dedicated years of your life to a novel or memoir. As someone with eleven full length novels and one memoir to my name, (two published, the rest, not yet) I know how painful that what next moment can be. But I guess I can give myself credit for not quitting after the first longer work and eventually pushing on. And I know that my friend, who has already completed a large number of paintings, will go on the next leg of his creative journey, even if he first needs to take a breather.

I am so glad I went to the check-in at writing group this morning, instead of following the part of me that wanted to lean right away into the administrative tasks toppling over on my plate. And I’m grateful to my fellow writers for inspiring me by example with their determination to push forward in their writing, regardless of obstacles and obligations. And, hey, I got a blog post done, which is kind of in between creative work and other chores, as it is another thing on I can check off the weekly to-do list. But it’s also a place where I can set aside some time to take creativity seriously and practice being mindful with my words and thoughts.

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