Writing in Dark Times

I haven’t been writing much lately. Between family health care issues and a full-scale constitutional crisis, aka coup, I’ve been thrown into what feels like a cyclone of political organizing. One could say I’ve been writing like crazy, but it’s all calls to action, newsletter updates, emails, and carefully constructed agendas–left brain stuff that speaks to my skill set, but doesn’t quite feed the hungry monster inside who only likes the juicy, creative stuff.

And yet, the questions came up once again this morning in one of my Zoom writing groups:

  • How do we write in these times of upheaval?
  • Does anything we write matter?
  • Do we have a responsibility to use our writing to speak out?
  • What if we don’t want to write about political things–or feel like we can’t write about political things without having our work turn into a rant or some didactic prescriptive cliché?

Ted Eytan/Flicker/Creative Commons, nhpr.org

As someone who embraces the dual identities of writer and activist. These are questions I’ve struggled with all my life.

Back in my 20s, I lived briefly in a social change community in Philadelphia, learning facilitation and organizing skills, studying theories of nonviolence, and engaging in personal growth initiatives, which included being frequently challenged on my choices and attitudes. I remember one person from the community saying something like, There’s no point in writing all these poems about your feelings. You can get counseling on those. Write poems about the state of the world that matter. 

I know that all writers store hurtful comments that lodge like ear worms in our brain. This was one of mine. It probably took thirty years before I could hear it in my head without feeling reactive.

No one should dictate what we should write, even when people are being well meaning, such as the numerous times a friend or acquaintance has said to me, you should write a story about  ______________.

No, I always say. You should write that story.

Ask me, if you need my help, to write an article, a flyer, or a delicate email. Ask me for feedback or editing on your story. But when it comes to poems, or fiction, or essays, I’ll choose what I want to write about–thank you very much.

This doesn’t mean the questions above are invalid–only that each of us needs to answer them for ourselves. In the last ten years, I’ve been motivated to write more things that might be considered “political,” but this is because I’ve figured out a way to approach them from a personal angle. For instance, my poem, Evening, recently published in Collateral, a journal that defines their mission as “publishing literary and visual art concerned with the impact of violent conflict and military service beyond the combat zone,” layers reflections on the Gaza War as I’m playing with my grandchild in the backyard.

Whether or not our writing becomes an overt call for action during these dark times, it still matters. There are countless articles on the Internet on the role of art not only as a political catalyst, but also as a force that heals–both the person who creates it and those who read, or view, or listen to it. I remember shortly after the 2016 election, when many in my community were caught in a tizzy of fear and disorientation, a close friend who is a visual artist said to me, “The best thing we can be doing right now is our creative work.”

I’m glad this is another ear worm that has also stuck in my brain, inspiring me to keep doing the work.

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Rage, Rage Against the Dying of the Light

The day I arrived in New York to help deal with my father’s medical emergency, they were repairing the sewer pipe under my parents’ house.

The onslaught of noise was deafening as workers cut through an entire square of concrete then lowered themselves into the cavernous maze of underground pipes to search for the blockage. It took them two days to find the troubled spot, which had already plagued my parents for a week: no showers, no laundry, minimal dishwashing, and a directive to flush the toilet only when absolutely necessary. And after all that noise and digging, the blockage turned out to be not in the area where they’d dug at all. They found the problem in the sad little brick-enclosed square of dirt my parents call the “front yard”–under a rosebush that had already been reduced to small rootball and a few aspiring fronds.

The next day, when my father was officially referred to hospice and people rained all that “death is a passage” stuff on us, I thought about that sewer pipe–also a passage. And I also thought about the Dylan Thomas villanelle and its repeating haunting lines: Do not go gentle into that good night … Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

It isn’t that I want my father to fight against the reality of his dying. I feel grateful that he is not–and has never been–an angry or vengeful person. Even in his compromised state, while depressed about what is happening, he continues to exude kindness and express love and gratitude to those around him.

But I feel like raging. Not at the inevitability of my father’s death, but at the sadness of seeing him so frail and unable to do things for himself–the “dying” of my image of my 90+ year-old parents as timeless icons of longevity.

And I feel myself raging against the barely flickering “light” of my country. Yet this rage feels like a fruitless kick-the-floor-and-flail-my-arms temper tantrum. Pundits tell us to keep breathing and find joy. The sun is brilliant on the half-inch of freshly fallen snow today. But where is the balance between digging and doing what we can and totally abandoning ship, closing our doors and taking out whatever might constitute our modern-day “opium pipe” to lose ourselves in a stupor of disempowerment and apathy.

I’m forever grateful to Bishop Marianne Edgar Budde, who was able to channel her rage into a calm and quiet plea for mercy, focusing the whole time she spoke, toward whatever light might be left that’s still shining on who we could be–individually and collectively. And I’m wondering if that’s the kind of light that flashes before our eyes as we near the end of our lives in addition to reliving all of our life’s significant moments. I’m wondering what my father, an Emmy Award-winning journalist, is thinking as he sits hooked up to his oxygen machine with the New York Times spread on his lap, trying to stay awake long enough to get through more than a paragraph and make sense of all that’s happening around him.

Rage, rage, against the dying of the light.

While we all have to accept death, as hard as it is, we mustn’t go gentle into this dark time, or accept the numerous attacks on our Constitution as the legitimate prerogative of a new leader. I feel grateful for the many in our community who are joining together and channeling their quiet rage into action. Death may be a lonely endeavor, but raging can be a community enterprise. I’m grateful to the many who are standing up to support immigrants, transgender people, the environment, and the many other important issues that are under attack.

In fact, what keeps me finding joy is knowing I have community–both to support me during this difficult personal time and to work together on keeping the light shining.

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