Spiders and Rocks and Poems, Oh My!

Once again, I’ve signed up to write 30 Poems in November to benefit the Center for New Americans, which provides English classes and many other types of advocacy for immigrants here in western Mass. And once again, as October draws to a close, I’m feeling that trepidation of adding one more item to my to-do list, wondering how I’m ever going to churn out 30 poems in a month–even poems that are unfinished and far less than stellar.

It hasn’t helped that my writing life has slowed to a crawl. Paperwork related to my father-in-law’s death, last minute election volunteering, putting the garden to bed, health issues with relatives, the Jewish holidays, my grandchild’s birthday, editing deadlines, and a flurry of visits with friends and family have made it hard to get to my desk as often and regularly as I’d like. Even this blog post–which I usually aim for mid-week–is late. (I just got a warning post from SubStack, letting me know that I had only two more days to fulfill my pledge of blogging weekly, LOL!)

But one of the things I love about writing 30 Poems in November is that permission to slow down. To make writing practice front and center again.

I find I’m most successful at birthing poems when I can be out of my to-do list and into what I think of as the fuzzier part of my brain. Then, I just let the pen flow and the words come–sometimes easily, and sometimes with a bit of effort, but the trick, for me, is not to try too hard to construct *a poem* as much as let myself sense what I’m sensing and free associate from there. And from that pile of words, I can often sift through and find the gems, threading my path forward.

The hardest part is to let the chaff fall away–the distractions, the judgment– and let myself fall into the “wow” of whatever is underneath all that detritus.

Photo: D. Dina Friedman

And lately, when I need lessons in falling into the sensual wonder of discovery, I get them from my two-year-old grandchild Manu. Recently, he’s been entranced with the abundant display of Halloween decorations in his neighborhood: the furry spiders perched on the hedges, the life-sized dragon with the blinking red eyes, the pumpkin faces, the creepy hands sticking out of the ground, the lanterns hanging from the trees.

Photo: D. Dina Friedman

Every day, he asks to see the dragon and the spiders. He takes his time, exclaiming, Oh, there’s another spider! before rushing over to investigate and dig his little hands into the fur.

 

After the “spider house,” we go next door to the Japanese rock garden, where he watches the brightly colored fish, and rains handfuls of small, cool rocks, listening to the pleasing sound they make when they hit the ground.

Poems are everywhere. Hopefully, some will come to me this November.

Photo: D. Dina Friedman

And yes, please consider contributing to my fundraising page for this worthy cause. No donation is too small! Many thanks. Happy Halloween and Happy November!

 

Tomorrow Never Knows

Despite the occasional seduction of signs advertising $5 palm readings, I’ve always been afraid of fortune tellers.

Gunnshots (Don), CC BY-SA 2.0 <https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/2.0>, via Wikimedia Commons

If there’s going to be bad news, I don’t want to hear it. Just as I don’t want to read disturbing news stories with clickbait headlines. Heck, I don’t even want to watch my teams lose at sporting events. Last week, I walked away from the Mets/Phillies game when the Phillies threatened the Mets’ slim lead in the 9th inning. If it was going to be bad, I didn’t want to watch.

So, I totally understand my father when he says he doesn’t want more medical testing to explore what might be causing his occasional bouts of delirium and physical instability.

Because he’d rather spend what remains of his life in ignorant bliss. He’s 93. He’s had a good life. He doesn’t want his remaining time to be consumed with thinking there may be something wrong with him.

And for the moment, the delirium has subsided. He’s feeling ok, happy to do his puzzles and watch the Mets and Yankees in the playoffs.

As I’ve continued my fledgling practice of mindfulness meditation, I’ve seen a lot of my stress ebb away as long as I can eschew the nagging of my to-do list and keep myself in the present moment. There are some definite perks in stepping off the worry treadmill and refraining from obsessing over the great unknown. Even if there’s an aspect of “flying by the seat of my pants,” when situations encroach that demand my attention, I’m convinced I make my best decisions in the reality of the present rather than to adapt to a foggy future.

And–at least for me–I feel the same way about trying to plot the trajectory of a novel (or even a short-story). I could probably save myself a lot of time if I had a better idea of where I was going when I sit down in front of the blank page or the blank screen, but the reality is I have no idea what my characters are going to do until they’re faced with the situation. Sometimes they make the “wrong” decisions and the story goes nowhere. And–unlike most of life–I get to backtrack and revise. But if I try to gauge the ending of a story before paying close and careful attention to the beginning and the middle, I end up with flat and predictable characters and outcomes, instead of carefully nuanced and surprising twists.

This is not to diss outlines for those people who find them useful.  But I would caution people not to be too attached to their initial ideas. Give your characters free agency and they will surprise you. As John Lennon said,  “Life is what happens to you while you are busy making other plans.” Tomorrow never knows.

Tony Barnard, Los Angeles Times, CC BY 4.0 <https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/4.0>, via Wikimedia Commons

So, I’ll keep trying to cherish the present–and savor the discrete precious moments of the last few days in New York watching baseball games with my parents, even as they might nod off into dreamland, and even if–unlike me–they’re resilient enough to watch when their teams are losing.

 

 

 

New Year’s Musings: Forgiveness and Aspirations

For the past five years, I’ve done a self-reflective practice during the month of Elul, the 29 days preceding the Jewish New Year (which we celebrated on October 2-4 this year) where I focus intensely on my aspirations for the coming year, as well as my current short-comings, places where I’ve “missed the mark” in who I want to be as a person. During that month, I try to journal more than I usually do, often in response to inspirational readings and self-reflective questions I find on on-line, or books written by spiritual leaders in various traditions.

Cathryn Lavery cathrynlavery, CC0, via Wikimedia Commons

What comes through loud and clear, no matter how much (or how little) I journal, or what I choose to read, is that forgiveness—especially self-forgiveness–lies at the heart of personal growth. Even when I may be regretting something I’ve done that may have hurt someone else, and feel compelled to ask their forgiveness, I find that I can’t let the incident go until I’ve forgiven myself.

Forgiveness is a hallmark of many faith traditions, but even those of us who don’t follow a strict religious path (and I include myself in that category as a mostly secular Jew), can incorporate it into our personal growth plan. In fact, forgiveness can be kryptonite to the nudgy inner judge. What would our lives be like if every time that nasty voice reared its ugly head with some critical, self-deprecating comment, you simply answered by smiling and saying, yes, but I’ve forgiven myself for this.

The flip side of forgiveness is aspirations. When I went through old papers a few weeks ago, in attempt to create a more sacred space (while practicing forgiving myself for my messiness!) I was touched to find a journal entry from the past secular New Year in January. I wrote:

I was (am) a writer who is setting even deeper roots in a community of writers. The past year brought out that it is ok to be successful. That I have a voice that matters. That others have a voice that matters. That it’s important to me to nurture other people’s voices as well as my own. I value community. I stand for expression and an artistic standard that I would like to encourage others to reach for, and what I would like to keep improving in myself. I want to communicate what deeply matters—to humans, and to the world. My writing is now central to my life. It is what I am.

I followed this with a list of wishes. Some were pie-in-the-sky, like getting a story from Immigrants optioned into a movie. Others were possible, but not likely to happen, such as getting an agent who believed in me and my work and saw it as more than a commodity. But what stood out was this:

My biggest hope was to be taken seriously by everyone as a real writer whose craft is at standard and whose art and messages matter. I would like to be seen by others as a person of integrity and depth whose words and perspectives matter.

This is my New Year’s wish for all of you–in whatever you do. May your words, images, music, movement, actions, thoughts and perspectives matter.

Shanah Tovah!

 

Lying and Storytelling

A few weeks ago, after the presidential debate, I was inspired to write about the topic of lying. And last night, I couldn’t help but thinking about the slickness with which Vice Presidential candidate JD Vance shamelessly delivered lie after lie after lie, complaining when corrected by moderators, that “they weren’t supposed to fact-check.”

And if you didn’t have the facts, it would be totally easy to be lured into Vance’s narrative, due to his polished, smooth delivery. He delivered his untruths so confidently, it left me wondering whether Vance believed his own narrative.

And this, I think, is a good lesson for fiction writers–even if the “lies” (which I’d prefer to call “stories” in this context are not intended to do harm or be taken as factual. Writer John Gardener in The Art of Fiction writes about the importance of creating “a continuous unbroken dream” where the reader is totally ensconced in whatever reality the writer has created–kind of like a virtual reality experience that’s dependent on words, rather than 3-D classes.

And to do that, you as a writer need–to some extent–to believe in your own narrative, to present it with complete and unshakable confidence.

How do we do that? Here are a couple of things to think about.

DETAILS: In an episode of Young Sheldon, Georgie tells his out-of-sync genius younger brother that lying well involves details. You’ve got to add enough heft to make the story stand on its own. Take a random subject-verb-object sentence (i.e. The spider crawled on the corn) and let us see, hear, taste, touch and smell the action as you relay it. Note: This involves more than adding adjectives, too many of which can easily weigh a sentence down. It can often involve just adding a couple of well-chosen words, or adding another sentence or two before or after to increase the stakes and add more context.

APPEAL TO EMOTION: Many of Vance’s falsehoods last night were clearly designed to arouse anger. And while in this context, this was a manipulative attempt to sway people’s votes, for our fiction to be successful, we often need people to engage emotionally by empathizing with our characters and the situations they are facing. This means we need to work hard to create believable and fully developed characters who are sympathetic and realistic, despite whatever flaws they might have.

KNOW WHERE YOUR PLOT IS GOING: I laughed as I typed these words because I’m often not sure where my plot is going until my second or third draft. But once I do know, I cut out the tangents that weigh my stories down. Last night I was both amazed and horrified about how Vance made Kamala Harris, or immigrants, or both, the villains in nearly every lie he told–a move that was clearly plotted in advance.

When I’m in my writing groove, I believe in my own narratives, even as I know they have no factual foundation, and even as, like many politicians, I might flip-flop on the details of their creation. But whatever changes my characters go through can be attributed to my getting to know them better, or their choosing to reveal more of themselves to me. Ultimately, the details, the characters, the plot are all there as props for me to reveal my truth–or my lie, if I choose. But in this context, I always choose my truth.

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